SORRY, GANG, THE PENTAGON INSISTS THEY'RE NOT HIDING UFOS

It’s been one of the most successful conspiracy theories of the past century: not only does the US military know that UFOs are visiting Earth, but they have one stashed away! (Probably in Area 51 in Nevada.)

But the Pentagon has announced—once again—that it just ain’t true. Gee, way to crush a guy’s dreams.